“Well.. If he fucks them he still doesn’t care ‘bout them. Only exception is Robin.” Joel said and wanted to stop talking about Andy now. The scout took his cat on his lap and stroked her quietly, looking at her. The cat was sleeping.
“Ya will gain it back. I know ya will.” He smiled now a bit, raising his head and looking at Tristan. He looked him into eyes and smiled a little. “You dun have to say it anymore. I know ya are sorry. I forgave ya already.” He said and raised his hand on Tristan’s cheek, smiling a bit happily now. “You’re my everythin’..” He whispered and he wiped his tears away. “It’s alright Tristan. I’m alright now. Thank ya..” He smiled even more happier and came to sit little closer again.
“I love ya. I love ya the most.” Joel smiled now and still looked Tristan into eyes while Sheela had enough of this gay show for today and he jumped off from Joel’s lap and soon she was under Joel’s bed. Joel chuckled a bit as he looked after his cat and soon he was looking at Tristan’s eyes again, sitting as near to him as he possibly could.
Tristan looked at Joel, he smiled a bit as he saw him smiling and nodded “Thank you for not giving up this yet, no anons can’t ruin this, I won’t let them do it” Tristan whispered and met Joel’s blue eyes, stroking his cheek gently with his thumb. The sniper chuckled and nodded “I know you did but.. I feel so horrible that I wanna keep saying I’m sorry” He whispered and with other hand he rubbed back of his neck. “and you’re my everything” He let the scout wipe his tears and he closed his eyes, smiling more and leaned against Joel “Thank you” He repeated the words before he opened his eyes once again.
“and I love you the most” The Sniper whispered softly and pulled the Scout on his lap, wrapping his other hand around him and only held him close, it was so relieving to have him on his lap again.. Joel was warm and light and his eyes were so so sweet. They sat there in silence, Tristan’s eyes locked on Joel’s, other hand still on the blonde’s cheek when he slowly leaned in and placed a soft and loving kiss on Joel’s red lips. Oh how much he had missed kissing him. Now both of his hands were around Joel and Tristan never ever wanted to let go of his love.
“Andy doesn’t stand anyone but our little group.. Not really.” Joel sighed and looked down. “Don’t take it personally.” He said quietly. “Tristan.. I do.. I do love ya.. More than anyone.” The scout said sadly and raised his head, looking at him into eyes. “I’m sorry Tristan..” He whispered and looked him into eyes.
“Tristan… I have heard dat before. “I will never hurt ya” that’s what ya said!” Joel said and bit his lip harder. “Yea ya should..” He sighed and looked down again. “I know.. Ya didn’t mean it.. But ya did it.. I believe it was an anon.. I haven’t ever seen dat kinda curse.. But not the first time they want to hurt me.” He said and sighed quietly. Joel had ever seen Tristan like this.. His teary eyes.. Joel knew he was already suffering. So much. Joel was stubborn bastard again.. Of course Tristan was suffering! Joel hated himself so much…
“I believe ya.” He whispered and places his hand on Tristan’s thigh and looks at him into eyes. “I.. Ya hurt me Tris. But I know.. I see that I’m hurting you too. I see how in pain ya are.. Ya have never had teary eyes in front of me before..” He said and came little closer, without even noticing. “I.. I want to get my trust back. I wanna trust you again. I wanna be with you. I want to wake up every morning next to ya. I dun wanna lose ya. I wanna be with you. Forever.” Joel said and looked him into eyes. “And.. And I know… We will get through this.. Togetha. I will get mah trust back. I know I will. It takes time but..” His eyes were teary. He didn’t wanna lose Tristan. He couldn’t. “I love ya. More than anythin’ or anyone.”
“If he doesn’t get to fuck them of course..” Tristan was joking but Andy seriously pissed him off at times, he had no reason to hate him so much only for being Joel’s boyfriend and c’moon Tristan did his best! this time.. just one fucking stupid anon.. it was going to be last time ever he hurt Joel. It was a promise. “No, I am” Tristan fixed Joel’s words and sighed.
Joel’s words hurt him, of course they did and he had deserved it too. “I know..” The sniper nodded and felt powerless again. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t have any words to defend himself and he didn’t even wanna defend himself.. he knew he deserved every word, all the hate.. “just let it out, Joel.. I know what I’ve done and I’m really sorry” Tristan whispered and looked down at his hands once again.
He stared at Joel’s hand on his thigh and he smiled a little, he still seemed sad, it wasn’t happy smile at all and he slowly raised his brown eyes up at Joel. He wasn’t best with the words, he wasn’t even romantic but he believed what Joel said and he totally agreed with him “and I will do everything to gain your trust back.. I don’t ever wanna lose you and I love you.. so so much” The Sniper whispered and placed his hand on Joel’s cheek, gently stroking it and staring into his eyes. “I’m sorry..” He whispered once again, kissing Joel’s forehead “I’m so sorry” He said even more quietly, closing his eyes and letting few tear drops run down on his cheek.
“Haha.. Good one. No I ain’t perfect.” Joel sighed and raised his head and looked at Tristan into eyes. “Andy never liked ya.. Dunno why. Thanks to ‘im also Robin started to hate ya. Justin and Lukas didn’t say anythin’ but after this..” He sighed and looked down. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” He said.
After a little while Joel raised his head and looked at Tristan into eyes, he wasn’t smiling yet. “Come..” He sighed, he didn’t feel so comfortable to talk about this on the corridor. He pulled away from the hug and took Tristan’s hand and walked to his room, closing the door. He sat on his bed and looked at his scars, biting his lip.
“I just… What if ya do it again?” He asked and raised his head, looking at Tristan. “Yanno mah past.. Ya said ya will never… Ever hit me. But.. Ya did it. Maybe it was the anon curse but.. Ya did it anyway. I hope ya… Understand I can’t fully trust ya anymore.” The scout said and looked sad, so sad… “I dun wanna lose ya but I dun wanna get hurt again.”
“I know.. Andy can’t stand me, I don’t know why but I really don’t care. He is not my boyfriend, but you are and it’s only thing I care about.. that you like me, and love me” Tristan whispered and stared down at Joel, the younger one still didn’t wanna look into his eyes and it broke his heart a little. “No it’s not..” Tristan tried, why Joel wanted to blame himself even though Tristan had made the biggest mistake here. Silly Scout.
No smile yet, neither was on Tristan’s face, but at least Joel raised his amazingly blue eyes up to him and it was something already. He had missed those blue eyes.. The sniper only nodded shortly and took Joel’s hand, following him into his room. Tristan followed Joel to his bed, sitting next to him and also staring down at the boy’s scars, grinding his teeth onve again.
Joel’s voice made him wince a little and Tristan looked up into Joel “..No, I won’t. I promise.. if I ever get those kind of an anons again I will try to hold it back.. or I really should get those anti anon pillers somewhere.. or what ever they are” Now when he thought about it he didn’t own any of those.. Tristan looked suddenly all pale again ’ can’t fully trust ya ‘, shit it hurt. Tristan looked down at his own hands, running them once through his hair and bit his lip “..I- I won’t hurt you!” His eyes were teary again “Shit, Joel.. I do understand, I really do but.. listen to me” Tristan stared at him, so sad, so broken. “I won’t ever hurt you, I won’t ever hurt you ever again and when I did hurt you now, I didn’t mean it.. please believe me”
that feeling when a whirlwind of sentient tax forms will never personally deliver your dream boy right into your arms conveniently over your lunch hour
This short made me cry though. :(
alyssa when are we cosplaying this???